How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
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she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize