John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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