look no pants
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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