Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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