I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
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Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
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I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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