this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize