I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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