Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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