Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize