I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
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thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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