false alarm. still invincible.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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