OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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