I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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