I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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