6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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