Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
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and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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