i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize