This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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