he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize