The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
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It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
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Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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