I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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