gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
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