I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
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I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
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i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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