you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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