walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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