Me. At least after what I've been through.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
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oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
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I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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