Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
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Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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