I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The Olympian is in my bed
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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