eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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