when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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