FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
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Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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