U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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