I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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