how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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