Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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