so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
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I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
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Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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