It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
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Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
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New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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