i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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