went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
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he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
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Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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