I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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