11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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