the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize