My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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