i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The air was thick with penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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