I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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