Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
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There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
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I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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