no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
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We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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