So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
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Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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