Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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