I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize