I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
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I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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